Tag Archives: history

The Top 10 Decades of the 20th Century

31 Aug

You’ll never believe which ones made the list!  We’ve ranked the 10 best decades from 1900 to 2000, in no particular order.

 

1. The 1930’s

Wow, the 1930’s. How can we summarize this glorious decade in just a short blurb? Honestly, we can’t. So let’s just move on.

 

2. The 1970’s

Disco, Nixon, and Star Wars. The 1970’s were certainly a decade. Definitely one of the 10 best of the previous century.

 

3. The 1950’s

From 1950 to 1959, lots of stuff happened. We’re not going to to go into detail, because you probably already know all about this fantastic decade.

 

4. The 1900’s

This decade was so early, it feels like it wasn’t even in the 20th century. But, it was. So the 1900’s easily crack the list.

 

5. The 1990’s

Such a phat 10 years.

 

6. The 1940’s

Yeah, it’s kind of a ballsy choice. But, in our point of view, the 1940’s are actually one of the 10 most underrated decades of the 20th century.

 

7. The 1960’s

We put a man on the moon. So we put the 1960’s on the list.

 

8. The 1980’s

Blah blah blah blah blah. We don’t believe you read this far, honestly.

 

9. The 1920’s

This decade doesn’t deserve to be here. It doesn’t. It got in on a technicality. Screw this decade.

 

10. We can’t think of another decade.

If we can’t remember it, it couldn’t have been that great. Sorry, whichever decade this is.

 

Leave your favorite decade from this century in the comments! Or don’t. We can’t force you.

 

Kim Jong Un by Paul Mitchell

27 Mar

Male university students in North Korea are now required to get the same haircut as their leader Kim Jong-un, it is reported. – BBC

When I first read this story, I was shocked. I wasn’t so surprised at the latest in a long line of tyrannical stunts from a clearly unstable leader. More surprisingly, North Korea has a university! As a junior in high school, applying to college is foremost on my mind. Eager to find out more about the University of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea at Gleaming Worker’s Paradise of Pyongyang (“State” for short), I did a little digging. Here is what I found:

They have a fight song:

In the world’s cleanest city,
in the world’s most prosperous country,
underneath our glorious leader,
we are not going hungry.

Over the corpses of enemy imperialists,
we march toward victory – yeah!
All of our internal struggles are classist.
We are the best Korea!

So it’s fight, fight, fight,
hail to the DPRK!
We’ll sing as we work in the salt and sulfur mines
for twenty hours a day!

Hip, hip, hooray,
sing this victory hymn!
We pledge our eternal loyalty
to three fat men named Kim!

Their president writes a monthly newsletter:

Dear Students and Faculty of UDPRKGWPP,

March has been a busy month here at State. Spring has finally arrived; the birds cheerfully sing songs of the everyman, the squirrels once again go out to steal acorns from the American vermin, and the industrial smokestacks belch out a thick smog over fragrant, blossoming trees. Truly a sight to behold.

I trust the male scholars of the university are abiding by our Glorious Leader’s Glorious Decree on hairstyling. As you all know, male students must now wear their hair in the fashion made famous by our Eternal Father. On an unrelated note, it is with sadness that I announce the mysterious disappearance of 30 long-haired but otherwise unrelated young men. There will be no memorial service.

Our comrades in the Science Department recently announced great gains in the development of atomic missiles for our nation. They have finished gluing the device together and need only to staple on the fins before launching it at our cowering enemies.

The Working Women Students Union recently hosted a forum on female sexuality on campus. Though the university will refrain from commenting on this matter, I would like to remind students that the Health and Wellness Center offers resources to help you stay safe. Pumping out hardy, genetically-pure laborers may sound fun now, but the State has designated you to be scholars, not parents.

Finally, the university would like to extend our gratitude to alumnus Wei Teu Thin ’74, who donated his entire rice harvest to the construction of a new monument to our Leader.

Go State!

Kim Jong Un
President of Everything

Fun Facts:

Colors: American Soldier’s Blood Red and Western Coward Yellow
Mascot: Terry the Proletariat
Founded in: 1954
Founded upon: the graves of those who threatened us
Rival: University of Hamhung
Arch-Rival: American University
Arch-arch-rival: Capitalism.

 

All in the Family

24 Mar

(TV commercial for Ancestry.com. Different kinds of people stand and talk about their discoveries: a chipper lady named Christina, a man named Michael, and a guy named Pete. Their names are printed on the screen while they speak.)

CHRISTINA: I went on Ancestry.com to learn more about more about my heritage.
MICHAEL: I wanted to discover stories about my ancestors.
PETE: Who wouldn’t want to know more about their history?

CHRISTINA: So, I did a little digging, and what I find out was amazing.
MICHAEL: You’ll never guess what I found out on Ancestry.com
PETE: What I found … surprised me.

CHRISTINA: Turns out, my great-great-grandmother was a Suffragette!
MICHAEL: My grandfather played stickball with Jackie Robinson!
PETE: I’m pretty sure my grandmother was a hooker.

CHRISTINA: She marched with Susan B. Anthony for my right to vote. How great is that?
MICHAEL: Jackie Robinson took my grandpa into the Dodgers clubhouse and introduced him to the whole team!
PETE: Her husband sold recalled toys and illegal fireworks to children. He was blamed for four maimings.

CHRISTINA: It’s just such an inspiration. I’m going to dedicate myself to fighting for women’s rights.
MICHAEL: I’m a huge baseball fan. I can’t wait to tell this story to all my buddies at the game.
PETE: I’m pretty sure they were Nazi sympathizers. Like, really sympathetic.

CHRISTINA: I never would have learned this if I hadn’t signed up. Thank you, Ancestry.com.
MICHAEL: I’m so happy to have learned this story. Thanks Ancestry.com.
PETE: Um, thanks Ancestry.com?

 

Eggheads

26 Feb

(A teacher is seated at his desk in front of a class. The students prepare to deliver history presentations.)

TEACHER: Thanks for having these presentations ready, guys. I know they seem like a pain now, but they will really help you in life. I promise you that.
STUDENT: Rutherford B. Hayes was a main proponent of Reconstruction in the Deep South.
TEACHER: It’s so important – sorry to interrupt. It’s so important to be able to speak to your peers like this. It really is.
STUDENT: Rutherford B. Hayes was a main proponent of Reconstruction in the Deep-
TEACHER: Like, you walk into the teacher’s lounge everyday and that smug geek from the math department’s eating your sandwich again. You need to talk to him and clearly let him know how you feel. That’s why I have you do these speeches.
STUDENT: Rutherford B. Hayes was a main proponent of Reconst-
TEACHER: He totally knows it’s your sandwich, too! Every day, he just forgets that the egg salad in the Tupperware with my name on it isn’t his. Like who does that?
STUDENT: Rutherford B. Hayes was a main prop-
TEACHER: And you walk in there and he’s standing by the fridge with that smug little grin. He’s got egg salad all around his mouth and he’s just looking at you like he’s got his hand in the cookie in the jar. At that point, in these circumstances, you just need to stand up and say something, am I right? That’s why we do this in class. To prepare for you crap like this.
STUDENT: Rutherford B. Hayes was a ma-
TEACHER: And then the next day, he doesn’t even that audacity to hide the sandwich. He’s parading the egg salad around so everyone can see his conquest. He’s got a mischievous little twinkle in his eye and you walk right up to him and you’re about to give him a piece of your mind, when he just wipes that defiled shell of a sandwich right underneath my nose.
STUDENT: Rutherford B. Hayes-
TEACHER: He’s drawing me into the ring. He’s the pauncey matador luring the bull into the ring. But this bull isn’t just going to scratch the dirt and snarl. I came to play.
STUDENT: Rutherford B. Hay-
TEACHER: I throw the chump against the refrigerator and I start shoving the egg salad into his face. And he’s breaking into a cold sweat and staring into my eyes like they’re two smoking gun barrels. I’m there feeling pure power, every little cog in my toned physique creating me into one massive, pulsing muscle.
STUDENT: Rutherford B-
TEACHER: Looking past his eyes and into his soul, I know that this coward has already surrendered. Silently, he’s telling me, “I always knew it was yours. It was your name on the Tupperware. It was your egg salad.”
STUDENT: Rutherfo-
TEACHER: He has surrendered, but I am merciful. I take my arm off his throat, waving the sandwich in the air as a glorious flag of victory.
STUDENT: Ruthe-
TEACHER: Meanwhile, the entire teaching faculty has gathered around. Inspired by my swift and righteous act of justice, they stand behind me in unwavering support. Breaking the deafening silence, the principal, “Now, tell him off once and for all!”
STUDENT: Ru-
TEACHER: In my mind, I prepare the most elegant, graceful, and passionate piece of oratory this world has ever known. Supreme in its diction, unparalleled in its passion, I bask in the glory of this moment.
STUDENT: (breath)
TEACHER: I steady my breath, plant my feet, and prepare to bring this sad sack to his knees with the thundering force of the spoken word.
STUDENT: So, what’d you end up saying?
TEACHER: Oh, I just walked away. I don’t do well at public speaking.

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