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QUIZ: Hey, How Are You?

3 Jan

Hey! Hey, you! I haven’t seen you in years! You look good. How are you? Take this quiz to find out!


1. Fancy meeting you here! What’s up, man?

a. Oh, hey! Peter, right?
b. What’s up, dude. Ralph? From accounting?
c. How are you? You’re Joey from the bowling league?
d. Hi, Gunther. It’s Gunther, right? From the planning and zoning committee?

2. No, it’s Kenneth. You remember me. We were neighbors growing up back in Seattle.

a. Oh, Kenneth. Long time no see.
b. From Oak Ridge Lane? What are you doing here?
c. Yoo, Special K! Are you still skateboarding?
d. I think you have the wrong guy.

3. How’s Patricia?

a. She’s good. Really good.
b. Wonderful. She’s thinking of going back to work.
c. Eh, she’s been better. Her plantar fascitis is giving her trouble again.
d. Who?

4. And the kids? Robbie’s bar mitzvah is coming up, right?

a. Yeah, next month. How’d you remember that?
b. No, Robbie’s my youngest. Lauren’s bat mitzvah is soon, though.
c. Yeah, it would be coming up, but we’re not Jewish.
d. I have no children.

5. What are you doing in Fort Lauderdale? I never would have imagined you as the type.

a. Patricia’s family is from around here. We moved here when the kids were little.
b. Oh, we’re just on vacation. Robbie and Lauren love the beach.
c. I’m here on business. I’m working on setting up a South Florida division.
d. Excuse me. I have to go.

6. You know who I just saw, actually? Tony. Remember him from the neighborhood?

a. Oh, Tony. That’s cool.
b. Fat Tony or skinny Tony?
c. Is he out of jail now?
d. Goodbye.

7. I’m going to be around all week. We should grab drinks.

a. Here’s my card. Text me.
b. I’ll try, but I’m busy with the family. I can’t promise you anything.
c. I know a great pizza joint if you like that kind of thing.
d. (You have already walked away.)

If you answered mostly a’s: You’re great. The kids are getting older but everyone’s doing great. Great to see you, man. Give my best to your parents.

If you answered mostly b’s: Things are decent. Patricia’s doing fine, but you feel like your kids are distant. You’re fat now.

If you answered mostly c’s: Nice job hiding it, but things are awful. Patricia’s moving in with her personal trainer, Lauren got a tattoo, and Robbie is in trouble at school. You’re fat now.

If you answered mostly d’s: You don’t know this person. But, things are going pretty well for you nonetheless. Your start-up is growing and you’re thinking of proposing to your girlfriend. Congratulations!

QUIZ: Does This Look Infected To You?

1 Dec

I cut my finger making risotto last week. Does the cut look infected? Take this quiz to help me find out!


1. Hey, does this look infected to you?

a. Maybe.
b. Sort of, yeah.
c. I wouldn’t know.
d. Gross, dude.

2. Should I see a doctor?

a. I would see a doctor, yeah.
b. Does it hurt? If it hurts, I would.
c. How long has it been there?
d. Probably, man.

3. It’s disgusting, I know.

a. Sure is.
b. Totally disgusting.
c. Really nasty.
d. Put that away, dude.

4. Want to see it ooze puss?

a. Certainly not.
b. Nope.
c. That’s vile.
d. Sure, bro.

5. Do you know what the symptoms of an infection are?

a. Google it.
b. Check the internet.
c. Look it up on the web.
d. Dude, have you heard of WebMD?

6. Ok. This website says to watch out for an irregular shape. Is my wound irregularly shaped?

a. Hmm, maybe.
b. It’s not regularly shaped, that’s for sure.
c. Is oval a regular shape?
d. I don’t know, man. Ask your mom or something.

7. What about discoloration? Do I have that?

a. It’s yellow. I don’t know if that means anything, but it’s yellow.
b. It looks like a scab. I don’t know what to tell you.
c. You should get a professional to look at it.
d. Dude, stop.

8. I think I’m going to make an appointment with a dermatologist.

a. Smart thinking.
b. Good choice.
c. My cousin’s a dermatologist. He’s normally booked solid for months, but he’ll free up some time for you.
d. Alright, bro.

9. Thanks for all your help!

a. Don’t mention it.
b. You’re welcome.
c. I’ll call my cousin and let him know you’re coming.
d. No problemo.




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