Archive | April, 2015

Teens Caught With Delicious Craft Brews in Traffic Stop

30 Apr

“Teens caught with cheap beer in Jeep

…An officer saw a vehicle matching that descriptionand pulled it over, according to a police spokesman. There were four youths in the vehicle, all male and all 16. Although none of them appeared intoxicated, the spokesman said, ‘the officer spotted in plain view a case of Keystone Light beer.'”

– New Canaan Advertiser

Four teens were issued infractions for possession of alcohol by a minor Saturday night, after a police officer pulled their vehicle over and noticed several locally-produced, artisan craft beers inside.

According to police reports, an officer noticed a black Jeep speeding on Main Avenue at 9:30 pm. After pulling the vehicle over, the officer noticed a considerable quantity of delicious small-batch, handmade, seasonal brews.

A further inspection of the vehicle revealed “2 six packs of Bad Monkey’s stellar new summer shandy, 3 bottles of a lovely lemon honey ale, a VSOP armagnac, and a nice Sonoma County burgundy, one of Wine Spectator’s 20 Top Budget Burgundies,” according to the same police report.

Sipping the evidence from a Belgian skein, Lieutenant Peter Moss commented on the bust. “These boys knew exactly what they were doing when they acquired these incredible craft brews,” Moss said, wiping a bit of foam from his upper lip. “Their biggest crime was probably keeping these fantastic beverages in a room-temperature car.”

Lieutenant Moss believes this bust is symbolic of a larger issue. “Kids today are drinking more and drinking better,” he said. “We show up to parties and find tons of incredible local brews. Nice tight carbonation, a one inch frothy head, fruity and hoppy varieties. This is what we’re up against.”

The officer also discovered precise scales and powerful butane torches in the vehicle. “The boys were intending to cook a nice saffron paella,” Moss said.

Lieutenant Moss sees underage consumption of tasty, refreshing craft brews, and all alcohol for that matter, as an important issue. “We need to teach kids that drinking is dangerous, whether you’re consuming the watery garbage that is cheap light beer, or the crown jewel of refreshment that is the craft brew,” Moss said. “At the end of the day, we need to take action as a community.”

6 Adorable Corgis Who Are Doing Absolutely Nothing To Solve The Humanitarian Crisis In Syria

21 Apr
  1. cute_corgi_puppy-2
    Look at this adorable corgi. He’s got one ear up and one ear down – it just might be the cutest thing you’ve ever seen! Too bad this dog isn’t doing anything to address the growing humanitarian crisis in war-torn Syria, where innocent civilians are being murdered by their own government.
  2. images-4
    What a sweet little pup. Those soulful eyes remind me of those of Syrian refugee children. But, whereas this selfish corgi is sad about not getting any dinner, the kids are sad about losing their childhood to a brutal civil war that has lasted 4 years and seems to have no end in sight. But do you think this callous pooch gives a hoot? No, he’d much rather sit pretty for the camera than offer help to the more than 7.2 million internally displaced people in urgent need of help.
  3. corgi-puppy
    Whoa, corgi butts! What a pleasant surprise! But is it still pleasant when you remember that more than 220,000 people have died in this conflict? This disrespectful dog cares more about his glutes than the rapid growth of ISIS and other extremist groups. How cute.
    This silly corgi got into the dishwasher! He doesn’t belong there, just like how Bashar al-Assad doesn’t belong in the homes of everyday civilians, wielding chemical weapons and instruments of torture. Hey Corgi, did you know that? Probably not, because you’re too busy pooping on plates to do anything nice for someone else.
  5. 208632-dogs-adorable-corgi-puppies-running-ddddd
    BONUS. CORGIS. I promised you six, but it looks like you’re getting eight. That’s a lot like how the 4 million refugees are told they will be exposed to zero diseases in the camps, but are actually exposed to at least 8. These immature, sleazy, soulless corgis could do something to help Syrians suffering from dysentery, malaria, and cholera. But something tells me they’ll just keep running around with their tongues out. Shame on them.
  6. enhanced-buzz-23027-1380121492-13
    Ha. Ha. Ha. What a silly dog. He’s taking a selfie in front of a cherry blossom tree. You think you’re so cute, you filthy animal. BUT PEOPLE ARE DYING. AN ENTIRE COUNTRY IS BEING DESTROYED. And all you care about is being the most popular pet on Instagram. You are going to Hell for this. May the Lord have mercy on your soul.
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