Archive | June, 2012

Gone Fishing

22 Jun

Though the humor on this blog is mature, the author is not. Being in ninth grade, my comedic aspirations are often put on hold by normal high school stuff. For the last two weeks, I have been studying for finals, which surprisingly, is not all that funny. For the next seven weeks, like many boys my age, I will be living it up at summer camp. Unfortunately, my ability to use a computer during that time remains undecided, so posts will be sporadic at best. In the fall, The Lighter Side of the Moon will be back and better than ever, so don’t worry. Until then, get off the computer, get out of the house, and get a tan from something other than screen glare. See you then!

The Waiting Game

4 Jun

(A girl named Millicent, and her mother, Blythe, who lives vicariously through her child, are at the Department of Motor Vehicles. Being the DMV, they are waiting at the back of an extremely long line.)

MILLICENT: Oh my god! This line is ridiculous! Everywhere we go, we have to wait in line!

BLYTHE (looking up from her bedazzled iPhone): Right? You’d think this DMV could at least try to be somewhat organized!

MILLICENT: Here, I’ll ask this guy in front of us to let us move up.

(Millicent taps him on the shoulder. He turns.)

MILLICENT: Sir, we’re really in a rush to go to my equestrian meet, and I was wondering if you would let us move in front of you in line?

MAN 1: Excuse me? No. You may not cut me.

MILLICENT: But my equestrian meet!

MAN 1: Oh wow. That really makes me reconsider your predicament. With all the pain and suffering around the world, your equestrian meet is really a top priority.

MILLICENT: So we can pass you?

MAN 1: Hell no! And screw your horses!

(Millicent turns, indignant and hurt. Minutes pass as the two wait in line, missing time to catch up on each other’s life as they waste away on their cell phones. Blythe takes occasional swigs from the Bloody Mary in her coffee cup.)

BLYTHE: Oh my god. Oh. My. God! We haven’t moved in literally hours! (gesturing toward a man walking by) Do you know when the lines might start moving again?

MAN 2: Sorry, I don’t work here.

BLYTHE: In the meantime, where can we find the registration forms?

MAN 2: What? I said I don’t work here. Is something wrong with you?

BLYTHE (to Millicent): Well, the staff is so unhelpful around here.

(Man 2 walks away, bewildered. Blythe and Millicent inch closer to the counter.)

CLERK: Next! Next!

BLYTHE: Oh wow! We were waiting so long I forgot what the sound of a clerk sounded like!

CLERK (angrily): What do you want?

BLYTHE: Millicent, would you like to talk to this lady?

MILLICENT (curtly): No.

BLYTHE: Ok, so the reason we’re here is that last week my daughter got her driver’s license. And she was driving around in the Wrangler when a lamp pole came out of nowhere and hit her car. So we got it fixed, but I saw her license and,

CLERK: Hurry up. Do you see this line?

BLYTHE: Well, I was just wondering if we could retake the picture for her driver’s license.

CLERK: Next!

%d bloggers like this: