Tag Archives: advertisement

Ad Hocked

31 May

Hey, it’s Crazy Pete of Crazy Pete’s House of Unpainted Furniture here and I want to tell you about a crazy sale I’m putting on! Wow! Unpainted maple bedframes for only $200! Wow! I guess that’s why they call me Crazy Pete! Wow!

Hi again, it’s Crazy Pete back to tell you about another great sale! Unpainted and unfinished dining room sets for only $500! Wow! This is why they call me Crazy Pete! So crazy! Wow!

What’s up, it’s Crazy Pete! Call a doctor, because I’ve really gone crazy with this latest sale! Only $199 for four unfinished chairs! Wow! Nobody does crazier sales than Crazy Pete! Wow!

Hey, hey, hey, it’s Crazy Pete. You might want to restrict my access to firearms because I’m really going crazy! Only $299 for an unsanded wooden toilet seat? Wow! Crazy Pete!

Howdy, it’s Crazy Pete and all of my loved ones are trying to keep me off the bottle – because I’m going totally crazy! $400 for a table? Wow, that’s crazy!

Ahoy, it’s Captain Crazy Pete here with another swashbuckling sale! Pirate themed playsets for the kids at only $99? Arggh! That’s a sale so crazy, I’m having dissociative episodes! I really think I’m a pirate! Arggh!

Hello, it’s Crazy Pete, and I’m running a sale so crazy, my wife and daughter are afraid of me! But you won’t have to be afraid of the prices on my complete line of lawn furniture! Wow!

Hiya! It’s Crazy Pete of Lakeview Psychiatric Facility’s Rehabilitative House of Macaroni Art! I’m running a sale so sane, you might just feel comfortable reviewing my parole application! Please?

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All in the Family

24 Mar

(TV commercial for Ancestry.com. Different kinds of people stand and talk about their discoveries: a chipper lady named Christina, a man named Michael, and a guy named Pete. Their names are printed on the screen while they speak.)

CHRISTINA: I went on Ancestry.com to learn more about more about my heritage.
MICHAEL: I wanted to discover stories about my ancestors.
PETE: Who wouldn’t want to know more about their history?

CHRISTINA: So, I did a little digging, and what I find out was amazing.
MICHAEL: You’ll never guess what I found out on Ancestry.com
PETE: What I found … surprised me.

CHRISTINA: Turns out, my great-great-grandmother was a Suffragette!
MICHAEL: My grandfather played stickball with Jackie Robinson!
PETE: I’m pretty sure my grandmother was a hooker.

CHRISTINA: She marched with Susan B. Anthony for my right to vote. How great is that?
MICHAEL: Jackie Robinson took my grandpa into the Dodgers clubhouse and introduced him to the whole team!
PETE: Her husband sold recalled toys and illegal fireworks to children. He was blamed for four maimings.

CHRISTINA: It’s just such an inspiration. I’m going to dedicate myself to fighting for women’s rights.
MICHAEL: I’m a huge baseball fan. I can’t wait to tell this story to all my buddies at the game.
PETE: I’m pretty sure they were Nazi sympathizers. Like, really sympathetic.

CHRISTINA: I never would have learned this if I hadn’t signed up. Thank you, Ancestry.com.
MICHAEL: I’m so happy to have learned this story. Thanks Ancestry.com.
PETE: Um, thanks Ancestry.com?

 

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It’s Official

16 Aug

Yesterday, at the Yankee game, I noticed that seemingly every company claims to have an official product of the Yankees. From pudding to mustard to luxury car, nearly every company can claim that their merchandise is “official”. I wondered just how far this advertising trend could go:

ANNOUNCER: And now, a few words from our sponsors.

Keep life moving on the farm with Bjornsson’s, the official animal birthing lubricant of the New York Yankees.

Throw a knuckleball into your digestive system using Ipecac, the official emetic of the New York Yankees.

Enjoy the elegant scenery of Belgium, the official European country of the New York Yankees.

If you’re looking to redecorate, head on over to Ikea, the official hex-wrench assembled furniture of the New York Yankees.

And finally, there’s no better way to spend an afternoon than enjoying some Philadelphia Phillies baseball, the official sports team of the New York Yankees.

 

 

 

(My dad made me write this: I have no affiliation with any of these companies, especially Bjornsson’s animal birthing lubricant.)

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