Tag Archives: cats

Gertie Tillmann, 89, had many cats

17 Jan

Gertrude Ethyl Tillmann of Boynton Beach, Fa. died on Wednesday, Jan. 16. She was 89. She was the seventh of eleven daughters to the late Edna Plotz and Enrique Tillmann. Ms. Tillmann’s husband, Bert Tillmann, died 14 years ago in a bizarre typewriter accident.

A 1943 graduate of Cornell University, Ms. Tillmann was a stay-at-home mother of three boys. In 1974, Ms. Tillmann forced Bert to move to Boynton Beach because of her debilitating fear of snow.

In her later years, Ms. Tillmann began raising cats in her home to fill her time. “They give me love and affection,” she told Cat Fancy in 2002. “My sons never call, so I talk to the cats.”

Animal Control specialist Tom Peters visited her many times at her home. “She always offered us cake,” he recalled. “Her house smelled like a giant cat.”

Ms. Tillmann was also a frequent patron of the Boynton Beach public library and was very involved in library affairs. She served for 5 years as the president of the “Don’t Get Rid of the Typewriters” club and served for 4 years as president of the “We Refuse to Learn How to Use the Computers” club.

Nancy Rhudy, head librarian since 1986 remembers Gertie’s  consistent presence. “She really was against changing anything about the library,” she said. “When we replaced the card catalog with the digital system, we found her three days later clinging to one in a dumpster for dear life.”

A private service was held today near her eldest son’s home in California.

Take Out Your Wallet, and Call…

7 Mar

(Camera is lifted out of it’s rural hometown by a tornado. It wakes up to find itself in a cozy, well-decorated living room. On a red couch sits that actor from that movie. Every single audience member take out their iPhone to consult IMDB.)

ACTOR: Hi! I’m Cletus Toddwick, from such films as “Oh, That’s Where He’s From” and “Wasn’t that the Same Director as Ferris Bueller?”. I’m here to talk to you about a growing problem affecting pet-owners everywhere: feline balding. Every day, millions of innocent cats cry out for help as their fur come out in the fistful.

(Start slideshow. Include plenty of bald cats.)

CLETUS (talking over video): And it’s not just housecats: all over the world, jaguars, cougars, and tigers are rendered helpless as their coats fall out. But you can help.

(Turn back to Cletus. He looks legitimately concerned at the fate of balding cats.)

CLETUS: For just thirty five dollars a day, you can help us buy wigs and hair-retaining shampoo for at-risk felines. You can be the change. And for a small five hundred dollar donation, we’ll send you a 1996 calendar of gross hairless cats. Thanks for your support.

(Commercial ends with exceedingly sad classical music, as more pictures of bald cats show. Cletus is smiling at the thought of his new Mercedes. According to his lawyer, “shampoo” is interchangeable with “luxury cars” in some places.)

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