Tag Archives: charity

Service Club Annual Appeal

17 Feb

Dear Prospective Donor,

As you likely know, the Repairing the World Club at our school sponsors and annual service trip to an area in need. In recent years, our eagerness to serve has carried us to the mucky jungles of Nicaragua, to the barren expanses of Kenya, and even the bracing foothills of Nepal. In all of these places, the value of our efforts could be easily seen in the gracious smiles of those we were helping.

Keeping with tradition, our trip this year will occur in a region of tremendous need. Allow me to paint an image in your mind: The piercing cracks of street violence echo through fetid streets. Mothers cry out  for their children as the innocent youth shriek in anguish. Friends and neighbors spill blood for mere scraps of food, and sometimes resort to consuming each other when there is nothing else to eat. The wounded trample the throats of the fallen as they run toward dusty and crowded hospitals, praying that the untrained doctor’s blades will be swift as he haphazardly amputates. Over this chaotic scene presides a cruel and merciless tyrant who spits in the faces of his subjects from his gilded throne.

Clearly, Toronto has problems too endemic and overgrown for the native people to handle. The Repairing the World Club has to extend a life-rope to those drowning in the cesspool of Toronto with this year’s mission trip. Unfortunately, traveling to this remote and dangerous locale is prohibitively expensive. We require your financial assistance to bring the gift of charity to the Torontonians.

This trip will challenge the integrity of our determination and our capacity for empathy. We do not know how it feels to live and work under the world’s most whimsical mayor. We can not begin to understand the harshness of winter in the most efficient municipality at snow removal. How many tears have been shed in the cleanest city in Canada? How many dreams have been shattered living in America’s hat? How does it feel to pay more for hospital parking than for healthcare?

This year in Toronto, we resolve to make a change. We resolve to to empower, we resolve to engage, and we resolve to resolve. Resolving to resolve cracks in our resolve will resolve things in need of resolving. You too can be a part of this magical giving experience with a check made payable to: “The Repairing the World Club Beer Party/Paintball Retreat Fund”. We thank you in advance for your generosity.


Alexandra Moraine
Fundraising Chair
Repairing the World Club
Beer Party/Paintball Retreat Committee

Take Out Your Wallet, and Call…

7 Mar

(Camera is lifted out of it’s rural hometown by a tornado. It wakes up to find itself in a cozy, well-decorated living room. On a red couch sits that actor from that movie. Every single audience member take out their iPhone to consult IMDB.)

ACTOR: Hi! I’m Cletus Toddwick, from such films as “Oh, That’s Where He’s From” and “Wasn’t that the Same Director as Ferris Bueller?”. I’m here to talk to you about a growing problem affecting pet-owners everywhere: feline balding. Every day, millions of innocent cats cry out for help as their fur come out in the fistful.

(Start slideshow. Include plenty of bald cats.)

CLETUS (talking over video): And it’s not just housecats: all over the world, jaguars, cougars, and tigers are rendered helpless as their coats fall out. But you can help.

(Turn back to Cletus. He looks legitimately concerned at the fate of balding cats.)

CLETUS: For just thirty five dollars a day, you can help us buy wigs and hair-retaining shampoo for at-risk felines. You can be the change. And for a small five hundred dollar donation, we’ll send you a 1996 calendar of gross hairless cats. Thanks for your support.

(Commercial ends with exceedingly sad classical music, as more pictures of bald cats show. Cletus is smiling at the thought of his new Mercedes. According to his lawyer, “shampoo” is interchangeable with “luxury cars” in some places.)

%d bloggers like this: