Tag Archives: school

Anti-Bullying Workshop

17 Oct

School systems across America do great things to help kids fight bullying and make their learning environments ones in which students are more respectful and care for each other. They offer students strategies to stand up for themselves and aid others who are in sticky situations. However, there are many cutting-edge techniques in the anti-bullying field that often aren’t discussed at these workshops.

 

The Budding Psychologist 

“Gimme all your lunch money.”

“Sure, you can have the money. But do you not think that your constant need to take from others is a subconscious representation of an emptiness you feel? Is there something in your life that you were never given, and therefore you feel you need to take? Tell me about your mother.”

The Reversal

“Gimme all your lunch money.”

“No, you gimme all your lunch money.”

“No, you gimme all your lunch money.”

“No, you gimme all your lunch money.”

“No, I give you all my lunch money.”

“Ah-hah!”

The Messy Reversal

“Gimme all your lunch money.”

(Target responds with a swift jab to the stomach and runs to get the janitor.)

The Yosemite

“Gimme all your lunch money.”

(Target holds his coat high over his head to create the illusion of size, stands very still, and tries to control his heart rate and breathing because they can smell the fear.)

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182 Days Left

27 Aug

Tomorrow is going to be my eleventh first day of school. If I’ve learned anything at all from these 1.1 decades of schooling, it’s that teachers, despite your most well-founded beliefs, have personalities. Let’s examine some of the personalities you might encounter on your first day:

The Systematic Organizer: So, I have a couple of little systems that I want to try in the classroom this year. We’ll start with when you walk in. Put your backpack over here when you come in in the morning, and place your homework in this bin. I’ll have a spreadsheet next to the bin every morning and if you could check your name when you turn your assignment in, that’d be great. Next, I’ll have a list of all school supplies you’ll need for the lesson on the board and if you have to borrow something, take what you want from the cabinets in the back of the room. Again, mark what you’re taking on the corresponding spreadsheet. However, you only get a certain amount of supply rentals. You can buy more with stickers, that I’ll give out for good behavior or answering a question correctly. Save your questions until the end, I’m only getting started.

The Scared from Last Year: Hello, children. I’ll have you know that this isn’t my first rodeo and will not be taken advantage of in this classroom. I don’t care how much trouble you’re having controlling your teenage behavior, I’m not going to take any nonsense in this room. And for those wild steeds that can’t be broken, I’ll have you know I’m very close to the principal and have no reserves about calling him regarding you kids. I expect you to remain quiet and attentive while I’m speaking, and will not tolerate any interruptions. I expect to have a classroom of mutual trust and respect, you hear me?

The One Year Left: Welcome, kids. I hope you are all looking forward to a fun year. This is my twenty-eighth year at this school, thirty-seventh as a teacher. I’ve been doing algebra for almost my entire life at this point, so if you have any questions, I’ll do my best to answer enthusiastically. I like to really get to know my kids each year, so let’s all say a little bit about our hobbies. Mine include golf, arriving late, and complaining about my family.

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Schooooooooool’s Out for Summer

20 Aug

Summer is a period of relaxation for students all over the globe, but many teachers take it upon themselves to provide their students with a refresher to stop students from forgetting their learning while they enjoy their break. Oftentimes, this is just cleverly-disguised busy work.

Hello students,

I trust you’re enjoying your summer vacation. However, don’t let the late mornings and calm afternoons fool you into thinking you have time off. As students, every waking moment of your life is actually dominated by work; we just give you summer to keep morale up. So, I have prepared a light workload for you:

1. Choose 3 of the 5 books listed on that sheet you were given on the last day of school. Since all of you lost it, I have prepared some extras and left them at the front office. Good luck getting them: the staff likes to enjoy their summer as well! I know you are choosing these books based on their length, so I’ve kept them all equal at a slender 1000 pages.

2. Write an essay of 10,000 words about our key subject for next year: dreams. If the topic were more specific, your reading would be much more relevant. (Important: This will be my first and lasting impression of you. If you do exceptionally poorly or exceptionally well, every other assignment you do will be judged against it.)

So, finish your sandcastles and roll up your beach towels, because this is only the start. See you in the fall!

 – Mrs. Brushthistle 

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Cathy Wern ’16. Admissions Essay at Bismarck University.

1 Mar

When I went to Costa Rica between my sophomore and junior years of high school to volunteer in a rural school, I thought  I would be teaching the children. But nothing compared to the messages they taught me. As I watched the kids trudge through eight miles of alligator-infested rainforest in dirty clothes, taking occasional sips from old jugs of brackish water, I instantly understood that I am very fortunate. I come from an excellent background and a wealthy, supportive family, the kind that can pay for my college education with no financial aid. As I saw kids reenacting sword fights with sticks through the window of the air-conditioned Range Rover, I learned that even in the face of a struggle, it is possible to love life and be happy. Did they fill themselves with apathy and whine about it as their indigenous culture disappeared at the hands of the white man? They most certainly did not. They smiled, filled their hearts with jubilation, euphoria, bliss, and joviality, and made the best of their situation. I like to call that life lesson “Costa Rican smiles.”

When I hiked Mt. Ranier with my youth group of blind, deaf, quadriplegic orphans, I committed to wearing a “Costa Rican smile” and made sure to encourage all of my hiking partners to enjoy the experience too. I forced my hiking teammates to overcome their physical and mental challenges as I dragged their entirely paralyzed bodies up the sheer ice faces of Mt. Ranier. I became a true leader that frigid day on the slopes, as I watched my impaired friends follow me on a path to achieving their goals. So when I got home and attended meetings for my Model UN, NCL, Debate, Student Council, Poetry, Computers and Technology, and Fashion Design clubs, I communicated with a louder voice and participated more. Younger members of the club began to ask me questions after club meetings like, “How do you balance your intelligence, athleticism, friendliness and inner beauty with your charity work?” or “How do you use your intelligence to become a leader in the community?” And I did it all with a “Costa Rican smile.”

I’m obviously a leader, and one with a passion for philanthropy. The fact that my parents sent me to Costa Rica to watch poor people for a week should convince you I am the perfect applicant for Bismarck University, and the sheer cookie-cutterness of my extracurriculars list should amaze you. For the last four years I have deliberately sold my soul to become the least interesting high-schooler in America, and I expect you to acknowledge this with an acceptance letter. Once again, they can pay.

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Riding the School Bus … to Depression

3 Feb

Recent statistics have shown that kindergarten at Trinity School in Manhattan is more exclusive than Harvard. The question on everyone’s mind is this: How does a school screen kids in pull-up-pants for intelligence? Here’s the admissions process at my ideal kindergarten.

1. Start with a snack. Offer carrots and cookies. Weed out all those who debate their decision. The world leaders of tomorrow need to be decisive.

2. Bathroom break. Everyone that quietly uses the restroom without mention of their genitalia should be instantly removed. We don’t need any stiffs making this kindergarten stodgy.

3. Examine work from pre-k. Does macaroni art show creativity and care? Can they successfully operate a glue stick? Did students actively respond to literature and make connections? (Ex: Harold has a crayon and so do I. I love reading.)

4. Finish off with a game. Can students independently navigate Candyland, or do they need constant assistance? Does the student understand the subtle differences between “duck”, “duck”, and “goose”? Can the student build a block tower up to waist height without kicking it accidentally?

For some, this game was a land of difficulty and confusion.

Apparently these kindergarteners had to take several standardized tests to have their application considered. The fact that they could even sit at a desk for more than six minutes is frightening, and I am forced to wonder if these are actual five-year-olds. The Dominican Republic baseball team has done well by overshooting the age limit by several years, and the possibility that this occurs in kindergarten application pools is not wholly ridiculous. We’ll just need to cut the habit when they start shaving.

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