Inviting someone over for a homemade dinner is a bold and romantic move. A delicious dish can win their hearts, but there’s nothing more embarrassing than them not liking your cooking. You will never experience either of these results because you are unlikable and uninteresting and nobody wants to eat dinner with you. Here are 7 easy recipes you can include in your pointless fantasies.
1. Herb Roasted Chicken with Arugula and Cranberry Salad
This is a surprisingly simple recipe, but it takes a fair amount of prep time. But that’s not an issue, because you have lots of free time. Nobody has called to make plans. You don’t have any hobbies. It’s just day in, day out for you.
2. Wild Mushroom and Sherry Risotto
Unusual ingredients will suggest to your date that you have taste and class. Too bad you have neither of those things. You are a slob.
3. Seared Lamb Chops with Roasted Cherry Tomatoes
This savory dish goes great with a nice red wine. That’s pretty convenient considering your evening plans were to drink an entire bottle of red wine alone and fall asleep. Sexy!
4. Peppery Spaghetti Carbonara with Pecorino Romano
Spice up an old classic by substituting parmesan cheese with romano. Will anyone notice this subtle change? Maybe your coworker Jess might when she takes the leftovers you bring for lunch tomorrow. She always steals your food because she knows you don’t stand up for yourself and fear confrontation.
5. Mediterranean Fatoosh with Parsley
This is a flavorful dish that contains no meat and requires little prep work. If you ever meet someone that can look past the darkness in your eyes AND that person is vegetarian, try this recipe. I’m sure you’ll pretend to be vegetarian in a desperate attempt to find something in common with them.
6. Lemon and Mint Braised Chicken with White Beans
Your (non-existent) date will think you’re a master chef. But only you and I know that this recipe can be made by extremely inept people, such as yourself. The fresh mint will keep your breath ready for a little smooching after the meal. I’m sorry, I should not tease you like that. Nobody is kissing your ugly mug no matter what you cook.
7. Brown Butter Scallops for One
It’s not worth pretending anymore. You are alone. Deeply, hopelessly, inexorably alone. The earlier you accept it, the happier you will be. This delightful meal sized for one sad person will help you do that.
The Lighter Side of the Moon 