The Sugardaddie Manifesto

7 May has made an offer to rename the town [of New Canaan, CT] to, USA. The online dating website made an offer of $9.85 million to First Selectman Robert Mallozzi III and other city officials in writing March 29, a statement from said. – The New Canaan Daily Voice

Since ancient times, the single and wealthy have lived in hiding, seeking the company (and bank information) of each other in obscurity. From the horrors of this secrecy and persecution came solidarity, and with great courage and greediness, the gold-diggers of the world rose up from the dark depths of the financially-motivated dating scene.

Now, in the modern era, the affluent, single, and ready to mingle have a new vehicle for social advancement in a powerful corporation whose passion for Sugardaddie rights is exceeded only by their thirst for credit card numbers. They are willing to make dramatic claims regarding their financial situation. In short, they represent the Sugardaddie lifestyle to an unparalleled degree.

Their guerilla tactics in the war for Sugardaddie rights are brilliant not only in their effectiveness, but in their subtlety. Their offer to rebrand a town for a seven-digit sum takes advertising to a new standard of taste. Who but could blend symbolism, class, and clever wordplay like they have in their demand for the erection of a Hugh Hefner statue in front of town hall? Nobody. It is their unrelenting knack for great leaps forward in Sugardaddie rights that make our future so promising.

For now, the Sugardaddie community has only one direction to look: forward. Take your wallets and money clips and stand together! Sugarbabes, call to your Sugardaddies and say: unite! Gone are the days of trying to impress your ex-spouse with your new partner’s boat in secrecy! Soon, we can build a world in the image of and raise our children in a place where the classy, attractive, and affluent meet.

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