Christmas Carols for the Doctor’s Office

13 Dec

It’s officially the holiday season, and with that, we can now begin hearing holiday songs everywhere we go. Here are some classic carols specifically tailored for the doctor’s office.

Feldberg, the Nose Job Reindeer (to the tune of Rudolph)

Britney, the teenage narcissist
had a slightly bulbous nose.
So a Feldberg nose job
was the Christmas present she chose.

Her mom lives vicariously through her,
so she didn’t balk at plastic surgery.
“Honey, if we added some silicone,
maybe you could look like me!”

 

Root Canals (to the tune of Jingle Bells)

Going to the dentist,
for your tooth cleaning today.
You know you haven’t been flossing.
What will your hygenist say?

“Have you really been brushing?
Your teeth don’t look so great.
Here take these toothpaste coupons,
our office is sponsored by Colgate!”

Oh, root canals, root canals
You’ll be in pain for days!
You shouldn’t’ve eaten all that fruitcake.
Bring on the Novocain!

Oh, root canals, root canals
You’ll be in pain for days!
You shouldn’t’ve eaten all that fruitcake.
Bring on the Novocain!

 

The Proctologist is Coming to Town (to the tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town)

Gloves on my wrist, checking you twice.
Gonna make sure your prostate feels nice.
You’re going to feel my finger, deep down.

I know if your prostate’s enlarged,
or generally on the fritz.
You might feel some light pressure,
so I’d appreciate if you didn’t twitch.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: