Tag Archives: teen

Moms Shocked To Learn Prom is Actually Not For Them

1 May

Mothers across the country are in a state of disbelief today after discovering that their children’s proms are actually intended to be enjoyed by their children.

Understandably, mothers were outraged at the news. “Prom was supposed to be the most special night of my life,” said Lindy Wold, a mother of a high school junior. “I just wanted to feel like a princess and live vicariously through my daughter on my own special night. They took that away from me.”

“Getting to put on that beautiful dress and ride in a limo is something we all expect to imagine doing at our daughter’s prom,” Ms. Wold said. “And now I can’t.”

Sheila Diewyncezki, owner of Little Miss Glamorous dress boutique, is concerned about how this sudden realization will affect her business. “I sell a ton of dresses around prom every year,” she said. “Not for the girls, but for their moms to wear in the pictures. I don’t know if I’ll survive this, I really don’t.”

One of the biggest complaints coming from the mothers is that their ability to take pictures will be limited by the changes. Betty Palder bought a new camera for her daugter’s prom. “It’s not just about taking pictures of them all dressed up,” she said. “It’s about documenting the night.”

“I wanted to be there when she got out of the limo,” Ms. Palder said. “I wanted to be there when she had her first dance. When she left the prom. When she succumbed to the influence of peer pressure. I wanted to be there with the camera when she did something she’d certainly regret in the morning. And now they won’t let me.”

This maternal presence has even created a negative influence on teens. “All I really want to do is go to prom, dance a little, then maybe watch a movie with some friends,” junior Willy Placid said. “But because of my mom, now I feel like I have to get in trouble and make mistakes.”

Some experts are saying this development could have widespread ramifications on the whole prom industry. Lydia Von Sluice is one such expert. “We’re seeing kids skip out on the corsage, the boutonniere, all the traditional prom affectations to defy their mothers,” she said. “Surprisingly, it seems like kids don’t really want their moms there with them on prom night.”

“It turns out that kids never really cared about any of it. They were just doing it because their mom said it was what she would do,” she added.

At this stage, it appears the mothers are holding firm on keeping graduation solely for their enjoyment.

Standardized Jest

9 Dec

(An SAT test writer and his wife are sleeping in their bed. It is 2:30 AM.)

HUSBAND (suddenly): Uh, that’s such a great question.
WIFE (sleepy): Wha-t?
HUSBAND  (frenzied): I just thought of the perfect question. After all these years, I’ve got it.
WIFE: Honey, come back to bed. You can write it down in the morning.
HUSBAND: You don’t understand. This is the question we’ve been dreaming of forever – it seems easy enough when you first look at it but it’s actually impossible. Oh, there’s gonna be so many tears!
WIFE: Honey, that’s cruel. Now go to sleep.
HUSBAND: When Beethoven woke up with a symphony in mind did his wife tell him to go to sleep? She might have, but he couldn’t hear her. And the same goes for Van Gogh – he didn’t have an ear or a wife.
WIFE: You write standardized test questions. Relax.
HUSBAND (mad but meek): You don’t understand. This is the question to triumph all questions. All you need is ninth grade math, but still nobody can finish it!
WIFE: Whatever, just finish up and come back to sleep.
HUSBAND (frenzied): Go back to sleep? I have to call the guys! This is going to keep so many kids out of college. The bosses offered a promotion to whoever could increase the number of sobbing fits and this is just what the doctor ordered.
WIFE: Don’t you ever feel bad about all the stress these kids go through?
HUSBAND (defensive): I like to think we’re testing their academic aptitude and college readiness.
WIFE: Do you really want to make these kids upset? Think back to when you were this age.
HUSBAND (distressed): But, this is my crowning achievement. I did it.
WIFE: But you’ll know you didn’t make some adolescent girl cry on a Saturday morning. Now go to sleep.

(The man lays down and waits for his wife to sleep. He quietly stands up, writes down the question, and basks in its sadistic glow. The warm hug of power has finally overpowered him. Owning the moment, he stands up and declares “Man is the cruelest animal” as he manically cackles himself to sleep.)

 

 

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