Like many Americans, I tuned in to watch the Golden Globes last week. It seems that though these people spend their whole life memorizing and reciting pre-written scripts, they can’t, for the life of them, remember their acceptance speeches. Here’s mine in case I ever win:
ANNOUNCER:And the winner, for best choreographer in a foreign language, animated, made-for-TV comedy short, is: Charlie!
ME: Oh wow! I totally didn’t expect this at all, I just happened to have a speech in my pocket. Of course, I want to thank my mom and my dad, especially. You see, this is the three year eight week anniversary of my dad getting a mild burn on his pointer finger while plugging a microphone in to record a foreign language, animated, made-for-TV comedy short, and I guess this my little homage to him. I want to thank the cast: Lonnie Tinkletown, Clarice Beauregard, Sylvester Saxenpoo. I want to thank the wonderful crew: Steve up at lighting, Lawrence heading up sound, Jaques Catanois for your wonderful scenery. A special thanks to Horatio at Smile Time Catering. Your popovers were excellent, but I felt the raspberry was a little doughy. Thanks to Mr. Wrenger, my eight grade geometry teacher, and Señorita Marquez, my charanga instructor. Hello to Hector, the custodian on set, Maggie, my cat-sitter, and Bartholomew, our accountant. Thanks so much to Rising Sunset Productions, for being the wind beneath our feet in terms of getting this film to the masses. No, no, stop playing the music, I’m not finished. A huge shout-out to Betty, the bingo-caller at the nursing home we visited. How are the varicose veins treating you? Finally, a massive thank you for the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, for giving me the opportunity to get up here, and giving my fans an opportunity to hear what I have to say. See you at the after party!
The Lighter Side of the Moon 