Tag Archives: facebook

Facebook for Moms

14 Nov

Facebook shares soared 15% Wednesday on blowout quarterly results — but the stock lost steam after the company admitted young teens are losing interest in the site. – CNN Money

With Facebook usage declining among young people, the company is introducing several changes targeted towards its older user base. Last week, the company introduced an entirely new version of the website with demographic-specific features: Facebook for Moms.

New features include:

Automated comments – Just press the automated comment button and you’ll get a customized comment from the phrases moms use most:

    • “blessed”
    • “wow”
    • “love you”
    • “lots of love”
    • “love you lots”
    • “so grown up”

SAMPLE: Wow!!!! So grown up! Love you lots! 

Easy Exclamation Points – Busy moms don’t have time to add all of those unnecessary exclamation points to their posts and comments. Now, just type one and we’ll add three extra automatically.

Smart Captioning – Post a picture and Facebook will automatically caption it with the child and vacation spot in this picture. You can turn this feature off, but we know you’re not posting anything but pictures of your kids on vacation.

Unlimited Game Updates – Your friends deeply, deeply care about your Candy Crush Saga progress. With this new feature, you can share your scores every two seconds.

Pinterest Compatibility – Facebook will automatically comment “Wow!! So beautiful!!!” on any pinboards titled “Dream Wedding”, “Home Decorating Ideas”, or “Desserts to Try”.

A Sixth Grade Girl’s First Month on Facebook

14 Feb

Day 1: Sabrina Johnston joins Facebook.
Tanya Goldfarb OMGGGGGGGGG!!!!! Sabrinies finalyyyyyyy got on Faceboooooooook!!!!!!!! Heart u gurrrrrrrrrrl!!!

Day 4: First photo album, entitled “Mittens”. 162 pictures of her cat, Mittens.
Jenna Lubavitz LMAO!!!1!! Your cat is totes adorbs bedorbs! Love ya sabrina!

Day 7: New profile picture.
Rebecca Christianson Slovensky OMFFFG! This prof pic is gorg! Youre stunning! Work it babe!!!!
Sabrina Johnston Delete this ahora!! I look gross. FML, im so disgusting!!

Day 11: Starts using “Friendly Questions”. Sends approximately 12 notifications daily to friends.

Day 21: Makes fake profile for substitute teacher “Mildred MacCunnen”. First status from fake profile reads, “hi, im mildred and I def pick my nose and sleep during period 2 pre-algebra!”
Jenna Lubavitz hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhhhahaaa 😀 can’t believe u made this! youre so frickin hilarius sabrinie!! 😉

Day 30: Facebook account deleted due to failing grades in 3 classes. Teachers suspect FarmVille.

Facebook, I’m Breaking Up With You

27 Nov

When I first started seeing Facebook, it was young love: I’d skip homework to go play with it, I’d see it every day after school, and I thought we could never be separated. And then, you changed.

It all started with my “friends” using you to answer questions about me. Then you wouldn’t let me see the answer unless I bought coins. Seriously? I thought we were closer than that. I thought we could share everything (except age, sex, and location), coins or no coins.

Then, you started to change yourself nearly every week. I told you from the start, “Baby, you don’t need to change yourself for me.” But you wouldn’t listen. Every day, it seems like, you came up to me asking to update you, and I’m forced to play along. My friends and I would always complain about the new you, but you never listened.

We had a good run. So many memories.

Then there were the games you played. Why are you farming? Am I not good enough for you? Are you having an affair with a virtual farmer? Sure, cover it up with free virtual strawberries. This isn’t a game. I’m putting myself out on the web, and you’re treating it like a game.

Now, I can’t read a frickin’ news story without everyone knowing. Why do you make everything so public? Congratulations if you love Jesus, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t notice that if you re-post a million times. There will be no killer clowns in your bedroom, and your family will not be murdered if you don’t re-post, so why do you do it? Just keep scrolling.

Facebook, we had a good run, but we need some time off. I’m breaking up with you.

P.S. Facebook didn’t take it well. She responded angrily, “Fine! I don’t give a damn! Go spend time with Google+, you jerk!”

%d bloggers like this: