(On a high-end cruise in the Mediterranean, three aged women, Agnes, Dorothea, and Minnie, are enjoying lunch.)
MINNIE: (to waiter): I’ll have the tuna club.
WAITER: Ok.
MINNIE: But can we lose the onions and mayonnaise, and get tomato and lettuce? Also, I’m going to need turkey instead of tuna on the sandwich.
THEODORA: Don’t forget the bread!
MINNIE: Ah yes. I want that on rosemary focaccia instead of rye.
WAITER: So, a turkey club on focaccia?
MINNIE: Are you acting fresh? Can I please speak to a manager?
WAITER: I’m sorry. And you two ladies?
AGNES: We’ll share a side salad.
WAITER: Any dressing? We have ranch, bleu, vinaigrette, Caesar, creamy asiago, butternut squash, spicy jalapeño…
AGNES: What was the first one?
WAITER: Ranch.
AGNES: We’ll share that on the side.
WAITER: You can’t share dressing.
MINNIE: May I please speak to the maitre d’?
(The threesome spies their waiter tending to another party in the restaurant.)
AGNES: Do you have any idea when our food will come out?
WAITER: Any second now. I just saw it in the kitchen.
THEODORA: Well, that group over there arrived seven minutes later than we did. And they’re being served now.
WAITER: Your food will be here shortly. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.
MINNIE: I’m frankly appalled with the treatment we’ve received today. We paid good money for a luxury cruise experience!
WAITER: I’m very sorry. Is there anything I can do until the food comes?
MINNIE: I’d like to see the owner, please.
WAITER: Well, the captain is steering the ship. He can’t come to the dining rooms.
MINNIE: I said, get me the captain!
(A manager arrives at the table, with the waiter nipping at his heels, head held shamefully low.)
MANAGER: I hear there have been some miscommunications. Would you care to air your grievances?
MINNIE: We have been waiting literally hours to receive our food. That table came after us, and they’ve already eaten.
MANAGER: Well, that group only ordered soup, and they are the owners of the cruise line.
AGNES: Why should they get special treatment? We’re paying good money for this meal.
MANAGER: I understand. Dessert is on me.
MINNIE: YOU CAN”T BRIBE US WITH YOUR LADY FINGERS! They’re so dry!
MANAGER: Please don’t raise your voice. Look, here comes the food. Is there anything else I can do?
THEODORA: Forget the food. We’ve lost our appetite.
The Lighter Side of the Moon 
I worked at that restaurant when I was in college! 🙂
I ate with these women in real life.