What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

24 Dec

My name is Sherm Lubenstein. I live in the Eastern Confederation, once the world’s most powerful nation. Today, however, in 2231, that is no longer the case.

In 2174, the President decide that what we needed to better our workforce was hyper-specialization, as he described in his classic “What We Need to Better our Workforce is Hyper-specialization” speech. To do so, he made it such that 4-yeard-old’s would choose their careers. These choices are final, so whatever job you pick at the age of 4 is what you’d be stuck with for the rest of your life.

Since the children are allowed to select their jobs, there are tremendous inbalances between careers. At the job selection event in one town with 1000 4-year-olds, there were 365 professional baseball players, 202 astronauts, and 173 ballerinas. Little did they know, a society with 20% of it’s individuals living in space is headed straight for failure. There are only so many dance companies and baseball teams. The 72 ice cream vendors will only pull from the workers in the fields, growing the food our nation needs.

Not to mention, your childhood isn’t ripe with decision-making ability. I made the unfortunate decision to be a professional roller coaster rider, and now suffer from extreme vertigo and chronic nausea. My wife chose to work at a McDonald’s playplace, and now suffers from chronic back pain, as those nets are rather unforgiving after 8 hours. These ailments force massive numbers of people to quit their jobs at too young an age, and put a massive strain on the 84 out of 1000 people that chose to be doctors.

Today, the Eastern Confederation suffers through a myriad of problems that can only be addressed by the repeal of this law. Our government spends millions building spaceships for our astronauts. Our few scientists must figure out how to make Tommy into Buzz Lightyear. (The kid who chose to be Woody was much less of a headache.) I, Sherm Lubenstein, refuse to continue on this path. If you agree, meet me on the Brain-Buster at Rocky Rapids Amusement Park. Wear a carnation on your lapel. Up the Rebels!

One Response to “What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?”

  1. For Better GENiUS December 24, 2011 at 7:54 pm #

    I want to be a rock that keeps finding crafty ways to twist the ankles of hikers. people tell me I can’t just turn into a rock, but I say nay

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