Tag Archives: drama

Royal Planes

4 Sep

(A doctor, a circus clown, a young girl, and a pilot are traveling in a plane. The priest and the rabbi were busy in a joke. A loud alarm begins to blare.)

GIRL (panicked): What’s going on? What is that noise?
CLOWN (frightened): *honk*
DOCTOR (looking into cockpit): The pilot’s down. It looks like he blacked out from Earheart Syndrome.
GIRL: Earheart, like the pilot?
DOCTOR (stern): No, Earheart like his blood has pooled in his ears. We’re gonna have to siphon it all out and pipe it back in down his throat.
GIRL (panicked): What are you waiting for? Do it!
DOCTOR: This procedure is best done in a hospital, but it has to be done. Get me a bag of complimentary peanuts and a seatbelt. I’m going to make a slapdash blood pump.
(two seconds later)
CLOWN (returning with items): *squeeeak* *beeeeeeeeewuuuuup*
DOCTOR: Let’s do this. (begins to extract blood) I’ll have to use mouth suction to move the blood.  (starts pumping it back into the mouth)
GIRL (sarcastic): There’s no need to narrate the procedure, Dr. Oz! (pilot gaining color)
DOCTOR: He’s gonna make it! I did it!
PILOT: W-w-what happened?
GIRL (joyous): You did it, Doctor! We’ll be saved! We’re-we-we- (faints)
DOCTOR: Hey! Hey! Wake up! Does she have any pre-existing conditions? (looking to other passengers)
PILOT (confused): I don’t know, I’m just the pilot.
CLOWN: *squelch* *blooooooop* *juvenile diabetes* *gweeeerg*
DOCTOR: Her blood sugar is spiking faster than normal! We’re gonna have to deliver the shot straight to the pancreas! Pilot! Give me your pen knife!
PILOT (frustrated): Sorry, Doc! TSA took mine before we got on the plane.
DOCTOR: Fine, we’ll have to make an incision with a corkscrew. Get me some alcohol while you’re at the bar.
PILOT (moving toward bar): To dull the pain?
DOCTOR: No, I just haven’t done this many operations in a day since my residency.
(Doctor begins opening hole with corkscrew and injecting insulin. Graphic, bloody imagery is displayed on screen; home viewers collectively groan and go “Eeeeeeeeew. Was that really necessary.” Girl suddenly wakes up, groggy.)
GIRL: Uuuuuh, what happened? It feels like I’ve got a wide diameter open wound brushing against a dirty airplane floor … or something.
DOCTOR: Stay still, you’re gonna be just fine. (Doctor looks up, steely and confident, marinating in the triumphant mood of the moment, the resounding culmination of several decades in medicine. He abruptly comes back to earth as the girl slumps down, bleeding out.)
CLOWN(excited, then scared): *honk honk honk hunk hyunk hyeeunk-ack-eeeeek-ack-ack-eeeeeeuuuuuugg-uuuuhh*
DOCTOR (hunky but exasperated): Sounds like he’s choking on something.
PILOT (excited): I took a CPR class once! I know the Heimlich! (Doctor gives him a droll, patronizing look)
DOCTOR: I think I should perform the Heimlich.
GIRL (nervous): Can we stop speaking German and help this clown?
(Doctor performs Heimlich. A bowling pin flies through the air.)
PILOT (listening to radio): Hey guys, can you sit down now? We’re cleared to take off.

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The Oakville Middle School Journal: Arts Review

8 Apr

The drama department will be performing their new play, Romeo and Juliet, this weekend for the entire town. This will be their first play of the school year.

Being a self-appointed connoisseur of middle school theater, I was very eager to see the advance press screening of this show. I even got to leave homeroom fifteen minutes early to go see it. Unfortunately, there was a four-alarm fire on the other side of town, meaning all newspapers, besides the Journal, were unable to attend the press screening.

The scenery, hand-painted by Ms. Rosnan and her after-school art club, looked really nice, but they weren’t quite dry and added an unusual runny quality to the play. The orchestra will be playing the score live this weekend, but their services were unavailable at the early showing, so the music was played on cassette.

Brad Wellesly and Sarah Green had the lead roles, and demonstrated themselves as master thespians. Their love story blossomed wonderfully during the twelve minute preview, and their emotion was remarkably realistic. I wish to congratulate whoever did the make-up for concealing Brad’s acne. It was almost unnoticeable. The costumes were spectacular to say the least, and the cast looked authentic to the period.

Due to an ever-tightening budget for the visual arts department at Oakville, parents of students volunteered to help out planning and producing Romeo and Juliet, as usual.  I got an exclusive chat with Mr. Spirelli, seventh grader Jake’s dad, who directed the play.

“We wanted to capture the majesty of the time period that is conveyed in the original production. Having spent three weeks as a dancer in an off-Broadway version of Fiddler, I tried my hardest to bring my experience and intimate knowledge of the theater to this play,” he said to me back stage.

For all those interested in seeing this production, it will be showing on Friday and Saturday at 7 p.m. both days. Refreshments will be available for purchase, and I personally recommend the Twizzlers or Mrs. Green’s cupcakes.

– Melvin Roberts

Arts Review

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