When I Grow Up, I Want to Be An Animal!

10 Dec

Lets’ face it. Humans stink when compared to most other members of our kingdom. Don’t believe me, go eat a carrot. A full-size one. Now describe the way you ate the carrot. Words that come to mind are:

  • Weak
  • Measly
  • Pathetic

Now look at this gigantic insect eating a carrot:

The carrot is being assaulted by that bug. It’s going at it like there’s no tomorrow! Seriously, how awesome is that thing? (Fun fact: This bug weighs more than a sparrow.) I hear flyswatters run screaming when this animal comes their way.

As if that beast wasn’t enough to strike fear into your heart, look at this death machine with wings. It’s wanted in several states for goat-napping. It’s probably using the goats for slave labor, building lavish homes for that flying devil and his crime-ring affiliates. (To see this winged criminal in action go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOkWpavE5gE)

There’s an old saying that animals are man’s best friend. Well that’s about to change. It won’t be along until our golden retrievers crawl into our bed at night with lethal intentions. The animals are getting smarter, and they’ve learned to use toasters, keyboards, and doorbells. We either distance ourselves from the animals, or you wake up to that six-legged demon nibbling at you nose instead of a carrot.

3 Responses to “When I Grow Up, I Want to Be An Animal!”

  1. Marc Schuster December 11, 2011 at 9:08 am #

    Great photo!

  2. liquorstorebear December 13, 2011 at 11:08 pm #

    OMG, that is a freaky-looking bug! Where do they live, those things? Do they visit Canada? OMG, I don’t want one of those nibbling at my…anything. Where did you get it? Does it live at your house? Is it nice to you but to no one else? Does it just like carrots or does it also like celery? What happens if you don’t give it a carrot? Will it go on a rampage?

    • wizardofsoz December 15, 2011 at 10:53 am #

      Unfortunately, this isn’t my bug. It’s called the Weta bug and it’s found on a small island in New Zealand. It weighs more than 3 mice.

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