William Shakespeare is the most prolific playwright of all time. Unfortunately, his beautiful prose and charming stories often overshadowed his signature raunch. Let’s take a peek at some of the Bard’s best and bawdiest humor:
CHIRON: Thou has undone our mother.
AARON: Villain, I have done thy mother.
– Titus AndronicusBRABANTIO: What profane wretch art thou?
IAGO: I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.
-OthelloNURSE: ‘Yea,’ quoth he, ‘dost thou fall upon thy face? Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit;
-Romeo and JulietSAMPSON: A dog of that house shall move me to stand: I will take the wall of any man or maid of Montague’s.
GREGORY: That shows thee a weak slave; for the weakest goes to the wall.
SAMPSON: True; and therefore women, being the weaker vessels, are ever thrust to the wall: therefore I will push Montague’s men from the wall, and thrust his maids to the wall.
GREGORY: The quarrel is between our masters and us their men.
SAMPSON: ‘Tis all one, I will show myself a tyrant: when I have fought with the men, I will be cruel with the maids, and cut off their heads.
GREGORY: The heads of the maids?
SAMPSON Ay, the heads of the maids, or their maidenheads; take it in what sense thou wilt.
GREGORY: They must take it in sense that feel it.
SAMPSON: Me they shall feel while I am able to stand: and ’tis known I am a pretty piece of flesh.
GREGORY: ‘Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst been poor John. Draw thy tool! here comes two of the house of the Montagues.
– Romeo and Juliet
The Lighter Side of the Moon 