Tag Archives: shakespeare

Shakespeare: A Sixteenth Century Bob Saget

26 Mar

William Shakespeare is the most prolific playwright of all time. Unfortunately, his beautiful prose and charming stories often overshadowed his signature raunch. Let’s take a peek at some of the Bard’s best and bawdiest humor:


CHIRON: Thou has undone our mother.

AARON: Villain, I have done thy mother.

– Titus Andronicus

 BRABANTIO: What profane wretch art thou?

IAGO: I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.


NURSE: ‘Yea,’ quoth he, ‘dost thou fall upon thy face? Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit;

-Romeo and Juliet

SAMPSON: A dog of that house shall move me to stand: I will 
take the wall of any man or maid of Montague’s.

GREGORY: That shows thee a weak slave; for the weakest goes 
to the wall.

SAMPSON: True; and therefore women, being the weaker vessels,
are ever thrust to the wall: therefore I will push
 Montague’s men from the wall, and thrust his maids 
to the wall.

The quarrel is between our masters and us their men.

SAMPSON: ‘Tis all one, I will show myself a tyrant: when I
 have fought with the men, I will be cruel with the
 maids, and cut off their heads.

GREGORY: The heads of the maids?

Ay, the heads of the maids, or their maidenheads; 
take it in what sense thou wilt.

GREGORY: They must take it in sense that feel it.

Me they shall feel while I am able to stand: and
’tis known I am a pretty piece of flesh.

GREGORY: ‘Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou
 hadst been poor John. Draw thy tool! here comes
 two of the house of the Montagues.

– Romeo and Juliet

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