Which Hors D’Oeuvre Are You?

23 Mar

You wouldn’t be reading this if you weren’t racked by a nagging sensation that you’re an appetizer. But which bite-sized bundle of flavor are you? Take this quiz to find out!

1. Which of these outfits sounds most like something you would wear?

a. A t-shirt with a picture of a crostino on it.
b. A t-shirt with a picture of bruschetta on it.
c. A t-shirt with a picture of rumaki on it.
d. A single deviled egg on your head with no other clothing.

2. Your friends would describe you as…

a. Crisp and dry, like crostini.
b. Warm and juicy, like bruschetta.
c. Heavy and outdated, like rumaki.
d. Devilish and eggy, like a deviled egg.

3. Which of these sounds most like you at a party?

a. Standing in the corner, nursing a crostino.
b. Chatting with a group of bruschettas in the living room.
c. On the dancefloor, busting a move with a rumaki.
d. Standing on the kitchen table, yelling “Look at me! Look at me! I’m a deviled egg!”

4. Your favorite color is…

a. Crostini khaki.
b. Bruschetta carmine.
c. Rumaki umber.
d. Deviled egg.

5. Which of these famous quotes is your favorite?

a. “You must be the crostini you wish to see in the world.” – Mahatma Ghandi
b. “Bruschetta to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” – St. Augustine
c. “Rumaki is more important than knowledge.” – Albert Einstein
d. “I have a dream.” – Deviled Egg

6. Pick your favorite pop culture reference.

a. Crustyni the Clown from The Simpsons
b. Bruschetta James
c. Kangaroomaki Jack
d. The Deviled Wears Prada Egg

7. You’re at an elegant cocktail party. Tuxedoed waiters circle the room bearing silver trays, laden with hors d’oeuvres. Your mouth is watering. Your spine is tingling. The waiter approaches you deliberately, as though following a cosmic arc. He eyes you with great passion. You attempt to make a selection, but your brain is pulled in four separate directions, like the limbs of a Mongol prisoner-of-war attached to stampeding stallions. A crostino, a bruschetta, a rumaki, and a deviled egg dance above you like nymphs, whispering their seductive invitations into your ear. Nervously, you extend your hand toward the platter. Your mind’s defenses penetrated and your resolve weakened, you succumb to the temptations of which hors d’oeurves:

a. Pigs in a Blanket
b. Samosa
c. Crudités
d. Gravlax

If you answered mostly A, you’re enjoying a crostino! Crispety crunch! Crackle crack! You’re eating crostini, better than zucchini, linguine, or a miniature weenie!

If you answered mostly B, you’re indiscriminately eating any hors d’oeuvres you can get your hands on because you skipped lunch and you thought the hosts would serve dinner early. Well sucks for you, because you thought wrong.

If you answered mostly C, a waiter tripped and dumped a plate of rumaki all over you. You are so thoroughly covered, it’s hard to tell where the hors d’oeuvres end and your body begins. You are become rumaki, destroyer of worlds.

If you answered mostly D, you are a deviled egg.

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