Running of the Bullies

11 May

Anyone using Yik Yak can turn a school into a virtual chat room where everyone can post his or her comments, anonymously.  Untruthful, mean, character-assassinating short messages are immediately seen by all users in a specific geographic area. – Fox News

SCENE: A school staff meeting. The principal is addressing a group of teachers. The mood is apprehensive, solemn.

PRINCIPAL: As I’m sure many of you have noticed, the students are currently obsessed with an app. It’s called Yik Yak, and it’s being used to bully other children. There are some really cruel jokes on there and some of them even mention faculty members by name.
(The teachers remain silent, somewhat disinterested.)
PRINCIPAL: I know this might be hard to hear for many of you, that your own students are mocking you online, but I think it’s important that we address this issue. Allow me to read some recent posts. (takes out phone and begins to read aloud) The first one says “Mr. Haufstetder reeks of vodka and sadness.” I’m just going to let that one sink in.
(Teachers are again unresponsive.)
PRINCIPAL: People, I know that we as a faculty have come to terms with Mr. Haufstetder drinking at school, but the students really can’t know about this. It damages our credibility. Let me read another one. “Mrs. Rosenstein’s psoriasis is worse than her teaching.” (weighty pause) Linda, I’m really sorry you had to hear that.
(Some teachers giggle quietly.)
PRINCIPAL: You have to be concerned about this! There are new posts coming in as we speak. Here, listen. “This meeting is a bigger joke than our pensions.” (long pause) Wait, what meeting are they talking about? Are you posting on Yik Yak?
(Teachers burst out laughing.)
PRINCIPAL (reading off phone): “The female teachers at this school are so fugly, I’m considering having an affair with a lunch lady.” This is abhorrent. Show some respect!
(Feverish typing fills the room.)
PRINCIPAL: “Mark Price is a walking ad for abortion.” You can’t say that about a student! They read these.
(More typing, laughter.)
PRINCIPAL: “Is nobody going to point out that Principal Hagerty started wearing a toupee?” It’s not like everyone hadn’t already noticed that, but was that really necessary? My wife made me start wearing it.
(Guffawing, chortling.)
PRINCIPAL: “Hailey Hunt coming to this school is the worst thing to happen since the Common Core.” That’s a child you’re talking about. All of you, stop this immediately. It’s not like everyone didn’t already know Mr. Haufstetder was a drinker. Everybody at this school has noticed Mrs. Rosenstein’s psoriasis. Again, sorry Linda.  You’re all small people, taking shots at easy targets. How about you write something we didn’t all know already?
(Quiet typing from the back of the room.)
PRINCIPAL (defeated): “Principal Hagerty’s fly has been unzipped this entire meeting.” That’s something we didn’t already know. Meeting adjourned.

 

 

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