Puppy Love

6 Jan

(A first-time pet owner walks into the vet with a puppy to get its shots. She goes up to the counter to check in.)

CLIENT: Hello, I’m here for the two o’clock appointment

RECEPTIONIST: Hi, your name?

CLIENT: Hopkins. Laura Hopk-

RECEPTIONIST: No, ma’am. Your dog’s name, please. The puppies come first in this office, Laura.

LAURA: Um, ok. This is Sugarplum.

RECEPTIONIST: What a cute name. And how old is Sugarplum?

LAURA: I think around, like, two months. My friend’s dog had puppies and she gave me one.

RECEPTIONIST: So is that like two months? Or two months exactly?

LAURA: Around two months, I don’t know.

RECEPTIONIST (condescending): Ok. Can you tell us anything more about Sugarplum? Any prior medications or treatments? Temperament? Allergies? Fecal texture? Sexual orientation? Anything else we should know?

LAURA: Nope. Just a normal dog.

RECEPTIONIST: Great. The vet will see you in just a minute if you’d like to wait over there. Would you like anything to drink while you wait?

LAURA: No, I’m fine, tha-

RECEPTIONIST (matter-of-factly): I was asking the dog!

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