Dear Sir or Madame,
My name is Lenny Marinolo, and I am running for Cosa Nostra lieutenant in your district! For the past three decades, I have served as the the Mortadella King of Staten Island, and any mortadella moving in and out of the tri-state area had to go through me. I have been involved in such important hits as the Great Sinker of ’75, the Trifecta of ’89, and the Rosanelli-Adolfo project of the late ’90s.
I implore you to consider me as your choice for your next district lieutenant. I am the only candidate with such an extensive and illustrious career in organized crime. In fact, The New York Times just endorsed me for the position. I was a 2006 Mafioso Lifestyle “Gangster to Watch”, and was a nominee for “Best Lock-picking” at the 2010 Mobby awards show.
As you can see, Lenny Marinolo is the only choice for lieutenant in your district. In fact, I literally am the only candidate after the tragic accidental death of Big Joey Lotelli last week. So next Wednesday, March 10, head down to Neighborhood Choice Laundromat, and circle “Lenny Marinolo” on your ballot.
Sincerely,
Lenny Marinolo
Mortadella King
Staten Island, NY
P.S. That last sentence wasn’t a suggestion.
The Lighter Side of the Moon 